Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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