Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
