I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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