Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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