I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
