some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He passed out mid-signature
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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