get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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