To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
