You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
