She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
