Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Come on in and take your pants off
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