The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
