If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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