Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize