Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
