It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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