wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
