just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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