maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
