your thong is hanging out like whoa
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
