i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
