you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize