so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
