Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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