You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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