So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
