I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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