do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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