Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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