Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
