Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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