I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
