We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
