Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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