Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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