I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
