Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She even gives head with a lisp.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
