you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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