I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
