Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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