he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
