i don't like sucking hair
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
