Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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