Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
