the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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