It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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