she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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