It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
