im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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