I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
