Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
