So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
