I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
