yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
