it wasn't lemon gatorade
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
