When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
