Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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