There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
