I met the friendliest cop last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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