we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
