the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
