FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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