I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize