Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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